18 Feb, 2010

It was Jerry Seinfeld who first noticed that “the only difference between a date and a job interview is that in not many job interviews is there a chance you’ll end up naked at the end of it”.

Taking this one step further, wouldn’t it be great if you could exchange romantic CVs with your dates? Followed by a question-and-answer session: “So, Tom, I see you were with this ‘Kelly’ from March 2008 to June 2008 – why did you leave so quickly?”

By the same token, you could detail the package you’d find most attractive. Or, better yet, respond to unwelcome enquiries about a second date with the following standard letter: “Unfortunately, we were overwhelmed with applications and, regrettably, we are unable to offer you the position. We will, however, keep your information on file should any opportunities arrive in the future.”

Much like that three-way fantasy involving the Duff sisters that your boyfriend will never admit to, this is wishful thinking. That said, in our attitudes, revelations and even online identities, many guys unwittingly reveal relationship credentials.

Failed business dealings

When you’re on a date, pay close attention to the manner in which a man speaks about his previous relationships. As both parties endeavour to discover whether the other is there for a good time – as opposed to a long time – the subject tends to arise with surprising frequency.

For example, if he can’t bring himself to refer to a person who must have meant something to him at some point in his life without using capital letters – The Bitch, Little Miss Clingy – I’d suggest shimmying through the toilet window before dessert and escaping into the night.

Ditto his unconscious repeating of one name – which no doubt belongs to someone he’s still getting over and whom his friends suggested he should forget about by going out with you. Nice.

Well-connected

If, on the other hand, he speaks with casual ease about his exes – note the plural – and he’s still in contact with them, don’t automatically assume he has unfinished business there. This is actually a good sign as it reveals that his previous break-ups have had a degree of amicability about them.

If he had behaved like a tool both in and after these relationships, it’s highly unlikely that these women would still be taking his calls. So snaps to him.Additionally, the more female friends a man has, the better his relationship résumé will read.

For a start, this indicates a level of maturity that recognises what he receives from these women is too valuable to be jeopardised by trying to get his freak on. The fact that he uses the term “get his freak on” is probably deterrent enough, but he doesn’t know that.

The presence of platonic ladies is another boon in that, where men will write off insensitive or just plain immoral behaviour as, “well, that’s Johnno for ya”, our female friends will pull us up if we treat other women badly. In other words, these girls you’ve never met will often be in your corner without you knowing it.

Putting in a good word

Here’s an interesting test: When you’re on a date, throw the name of an ex into the conversation, and perhaps go on to explain the relationship away with a non-descript, “turns out we just wanted different things from the relationship”. The man whose relationship CV warrants a second interview will respond with a compliment along the lines of, “I bet he’s regretting it now” or “That was a bit of a mistake on his part”.

Meanwhile, the guy you probably want to steer clear of will launch into a character assassination of your ex, using the strongest possible language and taking umbrage on your behalf. While the forgiving side of your personality may view this as sweet – albeit misguided – calling someone they’ve never met all sorts of disparaging names and feeling that they have to somehow protect you from your own regrets shows a sense of insecurity on his part.

Granted, it’s a small distinction, but this could well turn out to be one of those “What were you talking to that guy for?” boyfriends.

For the full story, grab a copy of the March issue of CLEO – On sale now!